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annoying things audiences say

Filed Under : Hello

Posted By : Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more flange..and more cowbell.. | Comments : 86

they make our gigs go well,were all punters too, but it aint always a bed of roses


weve had the bizarre audience comments discussion but think weve not really done this one yet?

now im usually one to be very positive about just about everything but.........

weve all had em, those frustrating comments, usually at half time/ the end of a gig (or even sometimes when you get to the venue!!) from some inebraited punter god bless em

heres a few pearls that usually annoy...........im always polite in return but sometimes grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

"you the guitarist are ya?(as youre putting the guitar back in its case) "

when playing clarkson esque classic rock sets "do you know any radiohead"

do you know who you look like?(i look like me ya p**ck thats who i look like)

drunk punter points at FX pedals, "what do they do?"

lets hear em

Comments

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# Posted by Bass Bloke - 06/01/2010, 19:38 (GMT)

Ha Ha ! good blog Rob,

Had loads of similar comments etc over the years to mate ,

but was once just ending the set with Black Rose with ny old band Vera Cruz when a fairly oldish guy came up to us at the Talbot in Burnley and genuinely asked me to get the band to play LA BAMBA ! he said afterwards that because of the name of the band he thought it was apropriate !


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# Posted by Dresden North End - 06/01/2010, 19:39 (GMT)

Are you the band then?

Do y'do any abba?

If you play it, we'll sing it!

Where's ya keyboard player, have ya not got one, what kind'a band has no keyboard player.I play the ukelele.

FEK-OFF

Mark


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 19:39 (GMT)

ha ha love it trig, itll take me ages to remember some but i know theres loads from over the years, we should write them down at the time :-)


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# Posted by Anthem - 06/01/2010, 19:42 (GMT)

do you do such and such a song?....We did it first set mate.......do it again......what, just for you?.......I'll sing it.....do you know all the words?....er,.........see ya


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# Posted by Steve Dixon (The Subliminals) - 06/01/2010, 19:46 (GMT)

I don't remember a single funny or notable comment from a punter... ever... just drunken, stupid unmemorable crap


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# Posted by ST Photography - VIVA LA COMMU... - 06/01/2010, 19:49 (GMT)

"You lot are the best band we've ever seen...but your singer's shit" Ahhh, that was a fun night :oD


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# Posted by Bass Bloke - 06/01/2010, 19:52 (GMT)

Prob the same old geezer as the comment above , but ////

You lads are good , but you need to dance in sequence like Showaddywaddy do
and
does your guitarist do House of the rising sun,cos if he can play that he can play anything.

and why do pissed Girls always want to play on yer drummers kit after the gig ?


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# Posted by Steve Dixon (The Subliminals) - 06/01/2010, 19:54 (GMT)

Bass bloke: "and why do pissed Girls always want to play on yer drummers kit after the gig ?"

cos they're girls, and cos they're pissed


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# Posted by Bat - 06/01/2010, 19:55 (GMT)

FREEBIRD!


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# Posted by ST Photography - VIVA LA COMMU... - 06/01/2010, 19:55 (GMT)

@ and why do pissed Girls always want to play on yer drummers kit after the gig ?

So they can chat to the drummer of course. The chicks LOVE the drummer. FACT.


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# Posted by Bat - 06/01/2010, 19:55 (GMT)

"and why do pissed Girls always want to play on yer drummers kit after the gig ?"

Isn't it better that they vent their booze fuelled frustration out on a drumkit rather than on their boyfriend/husband when they get home? lol


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# Posted by Bass Bloke - 06/01/2010, 19:57 (GMT)

Yep ! lol. but they are even funnier when they try to hold yer bass like Kackhanded and then try to strum it !

WHICH IS QUITE ALSO LIKE WHEN YOUR OWN BANDS GUITARIST DOES THE SAME TO EHH ? LOL


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# Posted by Keef - 06/01/2010, 19:57 (GMT)

Strugglin with 60kilos of bass bin through a narrow crowded door at the end of a gig,
You with the band mate?
Naw I'm nicking there gear while they are at the Bar.
Cool !! Wouldn't mind that drum kit for me son mate


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 19:58 (GMT)

the not moving out of the way thing is VERY annoying


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 19:59 (GMT)

damn how could i forget the classic "heavy that is it?"


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# Posted by Andy - SuperCharger - 06/01/2010, 20:02 (GMT)

Whilst your packing up they say "Can you play any ____ for us?". Erm we finished 15 mins ago. Does my head in.


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# Posted by Anthem - 06/01/2010, 20:02 (GMT)

'can I have a go on your guitar?'...........No! can I have a go on your Mrs?...that gets an interesting response and makes them shut the f*** up


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 20:03 (GMT)

lmao mark, at the have a go on mrs bit :-)))))))))))))


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# Posted by Duke Bocks - 06/01/2010, 20:05 (GMT)

can I av a go on yer guitar?,
reply; what car do you drive?
eh?
reply: give me yer car keys and Ill thrash the bollix off it up and down the M60 while you have a "go" on my guitar!


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# Posted by Duke Bocks - 06/01/2010, 20:07 (GMT)

Blimey Anthem ..you shoved that in while I was typin..lol


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# Posted by Bass Bloke - 06/01/2010, 20:08 (GMT)

When you bring the PA in

where do you think you are Wembley ?


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# Posted by THE STIG - 06/01/2010, 20:08 (GMT)

when your carrying your gear through a little tight doorway and there is a drunk in the way who promptly asks (as iam holding a 4x10 speaker in both arms ) am i in the way ?


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# Posted by Anthem - 06/01/2010, 20:08 (GMT)

Can I have a card?
hmmm


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# Posted by Anthem - 06/01/2010, 20:10 (GMT)

great minds an all that Duke lol


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# Posted by Bass Bloke - 06/01/2010, 20:13 (GMT)

The old geezers are always the best doin their Rock n Roll Boogie Dance to summat like Whole lotta Rosie , make sme piss myself


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 20:34 (GMT)

this will be my response to audience daft comments from now on..




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# Posted by grooverman - 06/01/2010, 20:44 (GMT)

Carrying pa speakers in. "They look a bit loud mate”. They are.


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# Posted by Bad Horsie (Mick) - 06/01/2010, 20:45 (GMT)

"You need to play some more rock stuff". No we don't. Go away.

"You need a Marshall and a Les Paul to play that properly". No. I don't.
"bloody hell you're taller than you look up there" I'm 6 foot 2. My singer is 6 foot 5 and bassist is 6 foot 4. lol.
"We all think you're crap!" So why is it THEY are all clapping then?


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# Posted by STORMBRINGER - 06/01/2010, 20:47 (GMT)

best one ever for me was..' Do ya do Bohemian Rhapsody ' 'go on ,please do it...'
One we dont av a piano....two, we cant do 2 part harmonies never mind 4/5 opera style and ... three...if we cud i wouldnt.... i hate the fkn tune


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 20:49 (GMT)

i love bohemian, but getting asked to play it, i mean what are people thinking!! :-)


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# Posted by STORMBRINGER - 06/01/2010, 20:50 (GMT)

Why do ya need 3 guitars mate.....ya can only play one at once


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 20:52 (GMT)

oh god yeah martin, thats a frustrating one innit


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# Posted by viking - 06/01/2010, 20:56 (GMT)

and the drunken pratt who staggers over wires, cables, guitar cases, mics etc. being packed away at the end of the night and slurs- "bet it's easy to play drums, innit? let me have a go"-*expletive deleted"!!!!! :-/


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# Posted by The Breaks - 06/01/2010, 21:00 (GMT)

I've got one, Everythging set up ready to go.....
"Is there a band on tonight"


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# Posted by viking - 06/01/2010, 21:02 (GMT)

@ the brakes-pmsl!! soooo true!! :-D
oh-and-was stood at the bar watching "fury(uk)" set up-next to me are two or three chavs,knocking back vodka redbulls-bear in mind you're looking at three longhairs, with t-shirts ranging from "megadeath" to "maiden" on,, several more longhairs/leathers scattered around the pub- chief chav says to me "are you with the band/ do you play "the commitments" or jackie wilson?? beamish nearly bit through his glass!! :-/


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# Posted by Duke Bocks - 06/01/2010, 21:23 (GMT)

Bike and Hound in Hyde to my missus at the bar..."which one are you shaggin then?"..then they werent best pleased when I warmed up to deliverance on the juke box..lol


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 21:28 (GMT)

punter to our Scott at our first warm up Metalleeka gig

"do you do any Oasis" no,were a metallica tribute

"what about Kasabian theyre good"

i heard scott just walked off

at the second wamr up gig we did

to me personally

"what sort of stuff do you play"

(i looked across at Metalleeka banner)

"oh right, which band are you a tribute to then"

Metallica

"oh right, do you just play music by one band then"

(i as well just walked off)


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# Posted by HAPPY DAIZE - 06/01/2010, 21:32 (GMT)

I once had a pissed girl try to play the drums whilst I was still playing!
The obvious one was whilst in the middle of a 4 month tour,somewhere in North Scandinavia, I was asked what my real job was;-) It was the promoter's mother, and though I found it funny, he was really embarrassed.

Rob


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# Posted by Keef - 06/01/2010, 21:33 (GMT)

With ThreeFold (guitar driven Rock Classics) a clearly well embibed young lady asked the lead singer: Do ya do Meatloaf?
No Love we ain't into catering.

Ooooh what about some Westlife then?

WTF !!!


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# Posted by Anthem - 06/01/2010, 21:43 (GMT)

the worst one.........Why don't you go on XFactor?....why don't you plane you're own face off mate?


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# Posted by Bass-tard - 06/01/2010, 21:52 (GMT)

"were you miming" feck off


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 06/01/2010, 21:55 (GMT)

@anthem - haha I've had that one.

1. Can you play th'Eagles?
2. Your good...but not as good as The Bogtrotters!
3. Are you not getting changed into your stage gear?


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# Posted by VANKWISH - 06/01/2010, 22:00 (GMT)

some fekker shouted more once.... the b'stard!!!! i always thought that was a myth!!!


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# Posted by 45's - 06/01/2010, 22:01 (GMT)

"Can I shag the drummer ?"

If only I had a penny.... - lol


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# Posted by Roj (Black Rose) - 06/01/2010, 22:04 (GMT)

Do you do any Eagles? WTF


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 22:06 (GMT)

why arent you doing whiskey in the jar(in joke)

i love the "when are you changing into your stage clothes", id love to hear that, think thats really funny :-)


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 06/01/2010, 22:11 (GMT)

That was a little concert secretary at- Two Gates Bowling Club in Darwen. His face was a picture when I told him that I WAS in my stage clothes.


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# Posted by NIGHT TRAIN - 06/01/2010, 22:14 (GMT)

'Do you know any rock and roll?'....LOL


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# Posted by Rob Redfern, Black Rose,more f... - 06/01/2010, 22:21 (GMT)

when i was in hare of the dog we regularly got asked for johnny cash(which lets face it virtually everybody on the planet loves), so id often indulge with a few bars of walk the line :-) so that was nice heckling!!


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 06/01/2010, 22:31 (GMT)

I forgot the most unbelievable comment ever.

My previous band were playing at a certain club in East Lancs. We played Irish Republican songs (nothing too strong) as well as Eastern European folk tunes (weird time sigs) and African guitar tunes.

Anyway I was approached at the end of the gig by a big tattoed shaven headed (not that there's anything wrong with that) guy who had been sitting with a group of similar looking blokes all afternoon. He said to me "would you be interested in playing at a festival in the summer? It is a rally for the BNP"

Erm.....Eastern Europe? African? Irish Republicans?

Cheque please


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# Posted by STORMBRINGER - 06/01/2010, 22:32 (GMT)

You have no lead in your guitar....youre fkn miming mate.....(I play wireless with guitar bug)


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# Posted by 5th Element - 06/01/2010, 23:01 (GMT)

In a former life playing in an original goth rock band at the Cavern Club. punter asks us to play the 'Justified and Ancients Of MuMu!!!!!!!

Innuendo


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# Posted by DYEHOUSE - 06/01/2010, 23:02 (GMT)

A while back there was similar blog going on here and someone mentioned being accused of miming to backing tapes which I thought was bizarre!
But then a few ago it happened to me?
I thought at first it was someone off here trying to wind me up but "no", the guy was deadly serious?
I just looked at him gobsmacked!

Another time at the Bakers Vaults our old Bassist Mike was proporsitioned by a "guy" who offered him £1000 to bum him!!!!
[I said I'd do it for £750 but he wouldn't have it?]


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 06/01/2010, 23:04 (GMT)

Where was this at?


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# Posted by Ian from Bolton - 06/01/2010, 23:12 (GMT)

Drunken girl sliding down boyfriend's arm: "Can you do 'Paradise by the dashboard light'?"


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# Posted by DYEHOUSE - 06/01/2010, 23:13 (GMT)

The Cottonhouse Shakers
Are you hoping he's still there?


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# Posted by viking - 06/01/2010, 23:15 (GMT)

@ dyehouse-nahhh, g-not having that-mike turning down the chance of a quick £1,000???? no way!!! lol!! :-D


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 06/01/2010, 23:15 (GMT)

No, I think that it was me!


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# Posted by DYEHOUSE - 06/01/2010, 23:28 (GMT)

V: I told him "it'll be over before you know it and just think of that new Fender P bass you could get with the money"
But he was having none of it?
these kids today are all spoilt brats and never had to earn it the hard way eh!


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# Posted by DYEHOUSE - 06/01/2010, 23:30 (GMT)

The Cottonhouse Shakers!
have you still got the money???


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 06/01/2010, 23:32 (GMT)

Nah I blew it on the drummer lol!


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# Posted by DYEHOUSE - 06/01/2010, 23:35 (GMT)

The Drummer????????????????
you should have kept some back for some new glasses!!!


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# Posted by viking - 06/01/2010, 23:36 (GMT)

@ dyehouse-yeah-don't know they're born do they?-now in our day-blah- blah- mumble- mumble -rant!!..... lol!! ;-)


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# Posted by DYEHOUSE - 06/01/2010, 23:41 (GMT)

Eeee when I where a lad!


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# Posted by Duke Bocks - 06/01/2010, 23:57 (GMT)

once did a "showcase" gig along with 3 other acts at a con club..first act up was a good looking girl from Blackpool
Concert MC..." Your first act is ******* ******* from Blackpool, if this girl sings as good as she looks yer in fer a treat"..can you really still say stuff like that?..lol


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 07/01/2010, 00:12 (GMT)

Right, I'm signing off. The missus has been tutting at me and is not amused.

For the record, the decency of this site, my missus and the wives and girlfriends of Dyehouse I have not at any stage in the past offered a large amount of money to bum any of the band members from Dyehouse. Nor have I ever seen the band Dyehouse and I've only ever been to the Bakers Vaults once to watch another band. I have never blown £1000 on a drummer - a sherpa yes - but not a drummer. There, hope that clears everything up.


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# Posted by BillyB - 07/01/2010, 00:22 (GMT)

lol @ duke bocks re bike and hound in hyde

there are those who belive they should have left harold shipman to carry out gods work!! lol


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# Posted by Coldplayer - 07/01/2010, 02:38 (GMT)

Being asked to play some Snow Patrol after having played 90 minutes worth of Coldplay whilst wearing a 19th century French army jacket is a bit demoralizing.

Having to explain why we don't do our own stuff.


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# Posted by Wellington Hotel - 07/01/2010, 09:47 (GMT)

My very helpful and informative staff member who works when bands are on will always ring the bell for me the second she see's someone with a musical instrument and say "I think the band has just arrived" so you see your not the only ones.

And I'm afraid you'll probably get most of these annoying comments as and when you play at the Welly too, I apologise in advance !!


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# Posted by John Wilkinson: - 07/01/2010, 10:17 (GMT)

In another life working in a cabaret duo playing the social club "scene"
We have just set our 500 watt pa up in The Dockers Club in Liverpool
Venue is the size of an aircraft hanger.
Three old fellers and two biddies in when we start our soundcheck and we soundcheck with "Mandy" FFS.....
One of the octigenarians stands up and sprint to the concern sec and we know what's coming
" Tone it down will you"
Certainly I say what tone would you like down
Too trebley
Too much Middle and what about the bottom end is that ok?
We sort that out and the room fills up with more older folk. Just prior to going on stage our cheap smoke machine throws out three atoms of smoke.
Chap sprints up again to me and asks me not to use that fugging smoke thing as it gets on his missus chest and she not well as it is.
In a supreme effort to please I agree and as he returns to his seat I just happen to notice his wife is .......
Yes you guessed it puffing on a ciggy.
I used extra smoke that night.
Best wishes
John


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# Posted by HARD TO HANDLE - 07/01/2010, 10:25 (GMT)

Some of you may know Paddy Peters - frontman from ASIS...........

He was at our Old Isaacs Jam on Sunday night and his young(20) girlfriend decided she was gonna try hitting the ride cymbal in time with the music - which our drummer was playing along with.........

Paddy finishes the song, turns round to her and says - "You can't play drums can ya love?" and rolled his eyes........

He turns back to the audience and says "She can't even wank me off proper!"

Jesus christ - nearly wet myself whilst everyone was laughing and she didn't hear him!!!!!!

Max


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# Posted by grooverman - 07/01/2010, 11:18 (GMT)

About 5 years ago I did the sound for a 5 band showcase (young bands) at Horwich leisure centre , I turned up with the WFG pa system running about 5.5 K with 1k worth of monitors, I asked the bass player to go through a combo that was DI'd into the PA cue a dad who was insisting thet his son (bass player) wouldnt be heard. I assurred him that with a twist of a knob his son would be heard in Cardiff, this guy bugged me all night.
during the 80s I used to hire a nady wireless system from HW and I was accused every gig of miming, "did I do the local taxi firms radio chat without moving my lips as well"
now its "where did you get that bluetooth guitar

"are those things hard to blow?"


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# Posted by Charlie & Norma - 07/01/2010, 11:27 (GMT)

Great blog and comments guys, eyes are streaming and jaws aching, absolutely pissin meself, and I ain't incontinent...............yet.


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# Posted by Anthem - 07/01/2010, 12:24 (GMT)

all time classic at the Hop pocket
bloke at bar......'You're too loud'
Andy..............'John, John'
bloke at bar.......'it's tony'
Andy...............'sorry, Tony'
bloke at bar.......'what?'
Andy...............'FUCK OFF'

still makes me chuckle now


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# Posted by 5th Element - 07/01/2010, 12:59 (GMT)

'Cabaret band I was in called Off The Cuff (good eh?)
Early Eighties at the Lancashire United Bus Company club in Accrington (I think) Compere comes into the dressing room at the break and insists we turn the volume down because-
;
;
Wait for it !
:
:
:
;
The MILD pump has gone off !!!!!!!!!

Presumably thought we were drawing too much current from the circuit and turning down would solve it! You can't write this kind of stuff. Eat your heart out Peter Kay!

Innuendo


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# Posted by Marseille - 07/01/2010, 13:07 (GMT)

"I think i prefer you when you sing with wolfpack cause I don't know any Marseille songs!!!"


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# Posted by WOLFPACK - 07/01/2010, 13:09 (GMT)

"Play some DC!!!!!"


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# Posted by WOLFPACK - 07/01/2010, 13:10 (GMT)

"F*** me how much gear have you lot got?"


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# Posted by WOLFPACK - 07/01/2010, 13:11 (GMT)

Oh yes and the annoying t**t who always sits at the bar @ The Bike & Hound and shouts "play something you know!" all night long!! Well dude you are one of the reasons we never play there anymore!


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# Posted by WOLFPACK - 07/01/2010, 13:15 (GMT)

The bloke that comes in at the end of the night and asks us to "play some Maiden, Priest or Metallica" If you have seen us you will get that one!


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# Posted by Ian from Bolton - 07/01/2010, 18:32 (GMT)

We stopped playing at *one venue mentioned on here in this thread*, because of the organised heckling, started by someone who actually had to do with the pub. It started from the first song. I wanted to pack up at half time, as I have no patience with idiots.

The landlady was really great and was very upset indeed that we had been put through that and that we felt we had no choice but to cancel. We even got barracked while making announcements for her about a forthcoming charity afternoon. I think the chief heckler was actually the landlord.

We just pulled all our remaining gigs for the year and have never gone back.


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# Posted by viking - 07/01/2010, 18:39 (GMT)

@ wolfpack-@ the last crickies gig you played - the "passing through" chav in the gents("mentioned it/him in the "thank you blog" for that gig), said to andy-"you sure you're the drummer? you don't look like one!"-to which both of us said "why? what does a drummer look like?"---pause for thought, clanking of brain cells-- "well,a' dunno-i just though they were a bit bigger!!!!"-(nidge-how big is andy, bro??! wtf!!!):-/
@ the kerbcrawlers- that isn't just annoying, bro-that's downright unprofessional-keeps on doing that won't get any decent bands playing there (or true fans attending), for that matter??


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# Posted by james luke - 07/01/2010, 20:46 (GMT)

maaaaaaate I used to play guitar...can I have a go on yours
no mate (point to girlfriend) I'm sh*gging her and I won't even let her touch it

walk into pub and set up

"so are you the band then "
yeah mate but its just me , am a solo act
" so how any of you are there then "
errrrrr ??????


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# Posted by viking - 07/01/2010, 20:54 (GMT)

@ james luke-pmsl!!


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# Posted by grooverman - 07/01/2010, 21:00 (GMT)

"can i put my name down for the kareoke"


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# Posted by The Cottonhouse Shakers - 11/01/2010, 17:19 (GMT)

Taxi for Smith.

Erm...when I've finished the song pal.


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