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Nutters in pubs

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Posted By : Piggery Bandana | Comments : 10

just yer harmless common or garden notrights!


Was wondering a) how many have you encountered and b) how do you deal with em?

Im not talking about the violent morons who delight in telling you about the time they hit four men with a pool table for drinking bacardi breezers because it wasnt a mans drink.

Im talking about the poor unfortunates who have an almost christian like glaze to their eyes as they come along for a night of 80s american rock (or whatever your particular brand of art is) and ask in the half time interval .... why dont you play some shadows ... you would be really good at it ... all the time smiling in a way that makes you wonder if one day they will finally snap in a busy shopping arcade and 'off' a few people with a hot greggs pasty.

They are attracted by the bright lights and loud music i think.

I have been approached by more than my fair share in my time in various bands (maybe i look approachable I dunno but it is a worry), and have now developed and fine tuned a number of actions to avoid 20 minutes of hopping from one foot to another saying the universally recognized (but ignored in these guys cases) "anyway" as a means to ending the conversation.

first (and lousiest) - make sure one of the band members is an all round decent type (you know good family, good upbringing, polite to a fault - you know the type (our keyboard player for instance!)), point him out to nutter and say "oh if you are talking about the shadows you should talk to him, he chooses all our music". Then you can retreat to the bar, get a beer and watch your collegue hop from one foot to another for 20 minutes whilst you gurn and laugh at his expense. I have done this one several occassions with our keyboard player and bless him he is such a sweet bloke he wouldnt dream of telling them to sod off.

Secondly (and nastiest) - Hold your hand up in mid flow from said nutter and say "Are you fooking crackers!". Not nice and some of these guys can be quite big buggers, quite capable of grabbing your head in their vice like paws and wringing your neck like a chicken.

Thirdly (and grubbiest) - simply say "are you here for my blowjob?" This gets them scarpering most of the time, however if it doesnt you may be in for the donkey ride from hell on a wheelie bin behind the venue and could even end up wearing a wedding dress the following morning.

This is just a curious post from a concerned member of NWB, i guess what im saying is "Is it just me ... or do you all get accosted by these guys" - and they are always guys - cos when approached by a mental woman ..... well lets just say Im a hypocritical bastard and let that problem deal with itself the following morning ha ha ha ha ha.


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# Posted by theBigFish - 21/03/2010, 11:44 (GMT)

Ha ha ... i think we all get them - luckily in theFish these people are fatally attracted to the mad fiddler and he's quite happy to spend an evening with them. If I'm approached and it becomes apparent after a short time that they fit the bill of the aforementioned encumbent, I have no hesitation in passing them off to another "expert" in the band. (after, of course, taking that pint off them!!)
Willowcallous


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# Posted by alyerpal - 21/03/2010, 12:39 (GMT)

Yep, all bands get them!
I go for option four - I'm the drummer and they never make a beeline for me - it's always the singer or the guitarist!

Alyerit'ssaferatthebackpal


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# Posted by "RED ZOO" - 21/03/2010, 13:23 (GMT)

its usually me!!!!...


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# Posted by Dresden North End - 21/03/2010, 13:59 (GMT)

like a moth to a flame
I take a pint and pass em to the bassist who's dafter than them. Usually scares em away.

Mark


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# Posted by Bass Bloke - 21/03/2010, 15:56 (GMT)

Well we have a really good action plan there on the occasions that we may come across a said nutter.
That is .....
We are all thne same ilk as them, ie fuckin Nutters to !

Now nothin makes em acrper quicker when they are faced with their own type and maybe worse !


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# Posted by MOTHERS RUIN - 21/03/2010, 16:29 (GMT)

When we play the Cask in Rochdale we put a single chair at the front table and call it 'the nutter chair' and lo & behold they always sit there !! last sunday it was a pissed up girl with a cast on her leg shouting out stuff then she weed herself then it was a big scary women giving me the eye ..... last nite at the fleece theres an Angus dancer shouting for highway most of the nite .... just smile and tell em we'll do it later ...and later they normally collapsed somewhere outside !!! nutters we love em !!


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# Posted by Whatever - 21/03/2010, 17:35 (GMT)

Yep i have had a few in the past.
Had a quite pretty girl in the millstone a few years ago chatting to me, i thought aye up i am in here, till she proceeds to tell me about being barred from most pubs and how she had headbutted a lad and bit part of his bleeding nose off.
I then passed her onto chris the singer as i do with every other nutter and as said laugh at him from the bar.


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# Posted by theBigFish - 21/03/2010, 17:46 (GMT)

"When we play the Cask in Rochdale we put a single chair at the front table and call it 'the nutter chair' and lo & behold they always sit there !! "

absolute class! May have to make that a gig tradition now! LOL
Willow


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# Posted by Anthem - 21/03/2010, 18:10 (GMT)

every pub has it's resident window licker really, one of the best is the Slade fan in a certain pub in Carnforth (I'm sure Chris from Cat Dog knows who I mean lol) who will say something, disappear then come back five or six times later saying exactly the same thing. I always do the ''sorry mate, got a really important phone call I need to take'' routine or even better.....pretend I don't speak English very well and pass him to Andy


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# Posted by Viva La Coldplay - 22/03/2010, 07:48 (GMT)

We did a gig one time in Douglas IOM and had this guy singing along to every song then shouting "You scouse bastards".. Maddest thing was that he had an Everton top on.. I mean WTF?

He was duelly escorted out of the premises and got a bit of a hiding from the doormen lol

Shaun


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