NWB - Community Blog

" Q: What is the difference between a musician and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money! "

correct, may take a while for the bond, but a lot longer for the muso!

WillownottheDalek

What do you call a singer without a girlfriend? Homeless. lol

Q: What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
A: You can negotiate with the PLO.

Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.

And just in case there's any comebacks....

Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

why did the 2 lead guitarists cross the road?

one bet the other he could get across faster

whats the difference between a drummers soundcheck and all of the charles dickens books?

it quicker to read all of the charles dickens books.

Why I orta!!

Singer walks into the bassists house and finds the bassist kicking crap out of his kid.

"Woah, woah!, what are you doing?" he shouts.

"The little twat detuned one of my bass strings!"

"Well just tune it back up then!" said the singer.

"I will, just a soon as this little bastard tells me which one it was!"

bonus round:

how do you get a lead guitarist to stop playing?

take away all his effects pedals


how do you compliment a lead singer?

no need, they already think theyre amazing.

slightly "off topic"-apologies for that-but!! i hope Baron Scotia McShugglejebs of Metalleekakakaland doesn't expect us to address him by his full title when we see him-couldn't pronounce that sober, let alone after half time!! ;-/ (mind you- i am/was a drummer!!)

Q: What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they both suck.

how do you get a drummer to smile?

tell him he can have all the pa channels to himself



how do you get a band members girlfriend to leave the room?

you cant tell them what to do, theyre part of the band as well as you

Locked my keys in the car at the last gig. Took me an hour to get the drummer out.

how do you get a bass player to move on stage?

tell him a wasp has landed on his arm.

Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?
A - Evidently all of them.

do some drummer ones ya spoilsport :-)

im trying to think of more lead guitar and singer ones :-)

im struggling with bass player ones too :-(

Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..

A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ha ha



what happens when you shout " hey kno*head!!!!!! "

the lead guitarist says "yes ...what?"

An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian tribe. The captain says worriedly, "I don't like the sound of those drums." The chief says, "I know. It's not our regular drummer."

How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch?

Pay for the pizza.



Two guys were walking down the street ...one was destitute ...
the other was a guitar player as well ..



What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."


What's the smartest thing a guitar player can say?

"My wife says..."

How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a bassist's arm?
A tattoo.

What do you call a bass player with a college degree?
Night manager at McDonalds.

Why are the bass players allways in the dark on stage ???????

Coz the guitarists allways steal the light !"

# Posted by mr.nwb - 14/04/2010, 22:56 (GMT)

Drummer in a music shop :-)

Deffo Lost !

How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey, how about we try one of my songs?"
What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart could've done it.
An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich."
How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
Pay him 10 bucks for the pizza.
Why didn't the Little Drummer Boy get into heaven?
Because he woke up the baby, for Christ's sake!
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality.
What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer."
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.



Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You know it's coming, but there's nothing you can do about it.
What's the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
"Would you like fries with that, sir?
Why do drummers have lots of kids?
They're not too good at the Rhythm Method.
What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?
Back up.
What did the drummer say to the band leader?
"Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
Deep in the African jungle, a safari was camped for the night. In the darkness, distant drums began a relentless throbbing that continued until dawn. The safari members were disturbed, but the guide reassured them: "Drums good. When drums stop, very bad." Every night the drumming continued, and every night the guide reiterated, "Drums good. When drums stop, VERY bad." This continues for several days until one morning the drumming suddenly stops and all the natives panic and run screaming. The man asks the guide what's the matter? The guide looking very frightened says: "When drums stop, VERY, VERY bad," he said. "Why is it bad?" asked a member of the safari. "Because when drums stop, bass solo begin!"

I love that last one always makes me laugh!

Three guys are at The Pearly Gates.
St Peter says to the first one 'How much did you earn'. '£75000 a year' comes the reply. 'Are you the plumber or the lawyer?' 'Plumber' the guy replies. 'OK' says St Peter,'you're in suite 10. And you?' says St Peter, turning to the next guy in the queue. '£65000 a year'. 'OK, you must be the lawyer. Suite 14 down the corridor.'
'And you?' said St Peter turning to the last one. £5000 a year' comes the reply. 'OK' said St Peter, 'what instrument did you play?'

Rob

what do you call a bloke that hangs around wth musicians?..the drummer.
whats got 3 legs and a big prick?..a drum stool.
......(dons tin hat and dives for the trenches!!!) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

guy walks into a shop-"i'd like to buy one of your "special offer" bass in the window at £3.20/lb, please-i need to learn to play a new instrument"-shopkeeper says-"you're a drummer, aren't you?"-guy says "yeah-how did you guess?"-shopkeeper says "this is a fishmongers!" :-D

Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favorite after-work drinks.

The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q.s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.

The bartender then went over to the next pair who were “regular guys” with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q.s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.

The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q.s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they’d ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, “Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d’you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?”

can't believe i'm contributing a bass joke......

Mick

*Drummers comeback.

Q What's the difference between a guitarist and God.

A God doesn't think he's a guitarist.

What`s the difference between a musician and a Pizza?
A Pizza can feed a family of 4.

how does a lead singer change a light bulb?
he just holds it and the whole world revolves around him!

boom boom tish...

John

What's the definition of ambition?
An accordian player with a pager

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

He's what you call a "prison singer" - he's always behind a few bars and he can never get the key

Did you hear about the country and western singer who played one of his own records backwards?
He sobered up, his wife came home and Old Shep came back to life.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only need to punch the information into a drum machine once.

I left an accordian in the back seat of my car in the car park of a rough pub last night. When I came back, the car window was broken and someone had thrown another accordian in there.

The definition of a gentleman is someone who can play the bagpipes but chooses not to.

Wat d'ya call the bassist and drummer in a band?

Well, not musicians for a start.

Why are guitarists so awesome?

Cos we are, now fek off

Mark