How to treat the band
How to Treat the Band
When requesting a song from the band, just say "play my song", or "it goes
something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted in our heads
with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron who ever
walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague, we
love the challenge.
If we do not remember exactly what tune you want,
we're only kidding. Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum
harder if need be ... it helps jog the memory.
If a band tells you they
do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot that they know the tune
or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the band. Any
words.
If one member halfway knows part of a chorus, the rest of the band
will instantly learn the entire song by osmosis. Knowing this, if the band still
claims to not know your song, it helps to just keep requesting the same song
every time there is a break.
It also helps to scream your request from
across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!"
and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance
floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger.
Put-downs are the best way to jog a band's memory. This instantly promotes you
to the status of "Personal Friend Of The Band."
Entertainers are
notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their shows. They
simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do once they
arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't let
them off the hook easily. Your request is all that matters.
If a metal
band had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next band that follows will
automatically know every metal tune the previous band ever played, even if the
current band is a blues or country band. It's the law. Feel free to yell AC/DC
or SLAYER!! to a band that plays strictly originals or jazz for example.
Conversely, Deadheads may yell for Grateful Dead tunes at a dance or metal
band.
IMPORTANT
When an entertainer leans over to
hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly into their
ear, while holding their head securely so they cannot pull away. This will be
taken as an invitation to a friendly & playful game of tug of war between
their head and your hands.
Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or
guitar player submits. Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they
usually sit in the back, protected by the guitar players. Keyboard players are
protected by their instrument, & only play the game when tricked into coming
out from behind their keyboards. Though difficult to get them play, it's not
impossible, so keep trying. They're especially vulnerable during the break
between songs.
TALKING WITH THE BAND
The best time to
discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way is at the middle of a song
when all members are singing at the same time (such as a multi harmony part).
Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the
megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. Musicians are expert lip readers
too. If a musician does not reply to your question or comment during a tune,
it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your
lips.Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the
words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don't be fooled.
Singers have
the innate ability to answer questions & sing at the same time. If the
singer doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the
question may seem, it's because they are purposely ignoring you. If this
happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.
HELPING THE
BAND
If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will
appreciate you help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain
standing on stage. Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel free to
walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you
sound, & the louder you should sing.
If by chance you fall off the
stage, be sure to crawl back up & attempt to sing harmony. Keep in mind that
nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing, third & fourth part
harmonies, or a tambourine played out of tempo. Try the cow bell, they love the
challenge. The band always needs the help & will take this as a
compliment.