NWB - Community Blog

how do you know if the stage is level,

the drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth at the same time

Ouch.

A drummer is involved in a nasty car accident. He wakes up in hospital with his head wrapped in bandages. The surgeon says to the drummer "There's good news and bad news". The drummer decides to take the bsd news first. The surgeon says "We've had to remove 90% of your brain and you'll never play the drums again". The drummer, clearly distraught, looks to the surgeon and says "What's the good news?". The surgeon says "We all chipped in and bought you a guitar"

national rules for a brass band contest (not very rock and roll I know but absolutely true) "The competing band shall consist of no more than 25 musicians and 2 percussionists"

bet thats the first time a brass band has been mentioned on here...lol

How do know when there's a drummer at the door-

The knocking speeds up

• Two cowboys were waiting in their bunkers for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, an Indian voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"

Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?
Neither did I

Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ?
So the rest of the band can understand them

What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless ..

How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.

How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
Evidently all of them.

What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
Throw him his amp.

"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light

What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."

Two guys were walking down the street ...one was destitute ...
the other was a guitar player as well ..

How is an orgasm like a drum solo?
You can tell it's coming but there's no way to stop it.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.

"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."

How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
Give him music to read.

Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favorite after-work drinks.
The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q.s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.
The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q.s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.
The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q.s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d'you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?"

A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."

A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"

A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was. "That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes." "So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.

How many female vocalists does it take to sing the song "Crazy"? (as made famous by Patsy Cline)
All of them.

What´s the difference between a female lead singer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

How does a lead guitarist change a light bulb?
He holds it and the world revolves around him.

How do you tell if an electric guitar is out of tune ?
If the strings are vibrating.

drummer jokes -AGAIN!!! yawnnnnnn!!! (i'da thought you'd learnt your lesson last time, mr nwb-just wait 'til drum bloke sees this!!! oooer!!! :-/ )

hey i got some light up sticks for my birthday, they didnt make me play any better but i could see where i was going wrong