SIMON Cowell last night unveiled plans for a new television format
SIMON Cowell last night unveiled plans for a new television format showcasing the best of Britain's amateur rage.
'There's a furiously unhinged maniac inside us all'Auditions will begin across the country next month in what ITV predicted would be a 'thrilling, hilarious and at times emotional search' for the nation's angriest freaks.
The move follows a fierce battle for the Christmas number one between Olly Murs inside the skin of Joe McElderry, and some noisy, tuneless rubbish that means nothing.
Cowell said: "As I watched all this pointless rage bouncing off the wrong machine, I realised I could make even more money. That's right... Even. More. Money."
The Britain's Got Rage contestants will have three minutes to vent their deranged and horribly ill-informed world view in front of an expert judging panel including Richard Madeley, The Guardian's Charlie Brooker, ex-Stranglers frontman Hugh Cornwell and Cheryl Cole.
Cowell added: "At the end of each show we'll get a little, fat Scottish lady with working class hair to come on and call everyone a fucker."
Charles Undungwe, a 13 year-old from Nigeria, congratulated British consumers for targeting the machine, adding: "Is that the same machine that bulldozed my village to make way for an oil pipeline?
"I remember it had the word 'Halliburton' written on the side. So Halliburton also produces the X-Factor? Oh, they're so evil."
Meanwhile the BBC has announced plans for its own talent shows including Strictly Come Raging and How Do You Rage Against a Machine Like Maria?
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/cowell-to-launch-'britain's-got-rage'-200912212325/